a gut feeling

well, we got back to school on tuesday...  its thursday now...george broke up with me Monday night. I went to cambrige that day and it was beyond horrible. He never ever went up to me first to talk to me... he always waited till i came over to him and everything was going okay at first... and then we started walking into cambridge and him and charlotte playll were spending LOADS of time together. It was so horrible to watch and i had a gut feeling that she fancied him. well i just KNEW she did. we went to go and see smurfs, everyone else went to go and see apollo18 or Planet of the apes but i went with george, charlotte and daisy to see smurfs because i wanted to spend some quality time with George. well, plan failed because it was the worst film i have EVER seen, so i wasnt distracted at all and my mind was constantly thinking about george and why he hadnt even looked at me the whole time we had been sitting there and was just talking to charlotte. i even CRIED in that cinema and he didnt even notice. at one point i even walked out and went to the toilet and just sat there thinking about what i could have possible done... i knew that something was very very wrong. when it was time to go george went early for no apparnt reason with charlotte and daisy and said bye to everyone apart from me. he just left. didnt even look back. didnt care to look back. just left with charlotte and looked at charlotte. with charlotte. with charlotte. with charlotte. with charlotte. with charlotte. i knew at that point, that he was going to break up with me. it was a gut feeling and when i have a gut feeling i now im right. that night... this is our conversation:
Me: can i ask you something?
George: yeh sure xx
Me: are you happy? xx
George: with what?
Me: us, because that is what matters most to me... if your happy and i know you arnt xx
George: im being honest... i dont think i love you anymore
Me: i could tell
George: im just telling you the truth
Me: i know... so where do we go from here
George: i think we should just stay close friends, because i dont think a relationship is worth it is it isnt proper. im sorry
Me: if that is what makes you happy
George: it doesnt make me happy, i just think it needs to be done
Me: as i said, its your decision. promise me one thing though
George: sure
Me: who ever you next go out with promise me you will be happy and they are very very lucky
George: thanyou so much xx

and well... yeah that is how we broke up. i cried; a lot. but harry was there for me and so was all my friends.

about 5 minutes after this happened i got an anon from charlotte playll who is meant to be my friend... this is what it said:
anon: youre like 12, you dont know what love is.
me: Im 14 actually and your a pathetic insecure twat wh ohas to go on anon because they are too scared to show who they actually are. People like you are bullies. You just pick on people you done even know and try to make them feel like shit. Go die in a hole.

the next day when i got back from school i looked through my messages and saw i had another anon posted at about lunchtime... it said:
anon: Funny this is courtney, i do know you. your the pathetic one.
me: why do you hate me so much?
anon: i dont. never said i did. Just think that you need to realise that love isnt something to mess around with. It discusts me.
me: then you must be a really sa, miserable person. what i do has nothing to do with you so fuck off.

i thought and i thought about who it could be. then i thought about charlotte playll. i guess she liked george? but i wasnt 100% sure it was her but it all added up. i confronted her at school an she denied it . she looked me right in the eye and i knew she was lying to me. now she is just moping around feeling sorry for herself- still attached to george and everytime i see them together my heart melts. its so horrible. i thought i coul trust her, i thought she was my friend but suddenly all this bitterness and hate has come out from her. its been there a small while though...  just building and building and now she has taken away the person i loved with everything i had and taken away my self confidence and made me more wary to the people i should trust. i feel wrecked. i miss george from the bottom of my heart. its like my life is suddenly over which sounds dramatic but i desperately want to just feel george holding me again. its lie a craving. it is always on your mind. Charlotte has one this so easily, as easy as taking a sweet from a baby. she has slowly killed me and i hate her rotten heart for it. i hate myself for thinking that but she has absolutely no idea the pain she has caused me. i love her though. isnt that funny? she is my friend and i want to be able to trust her, i love her and hate her at the same time... im sorry this post is like... MASSIVE but there is a lot of thoughts swimming round my head. im so thankful for tess being there for me and the others. i dont know what i would do without them. but when i have a gut feeling, i know its right and im not sure anyone will ever understand me.