rockbottom

- i dont know what to do because i have fallen out with emily because i was talking to Tim? she isnt going out with him anymore and she should trust me that i wouldnt do that to her although she has done that with me and got with dom who is my ex. its not fair. and i helped her when tim broke up with her, i was there for EVERY part of it and its like she has just thrown it all back in my face. I even went as far as scartching on my arm with a needle but then realised how ridiculously stupid that was and hid the little damage i had done with my braclets. I want emily to stop being so blunt to me and i went to town today and she didnt talk to me once. i ended up walking off crying. she has no idea how shit she has made me feel. i also made a post on my tumblr blog (runlikebutter.tumblr.com) and said "at times like this, i just want to dig myself a hole and die." that post was almost like a cry for help and she commented on it saying "thats jolly" <--- how unsensative is that? if i went a killed myself she probably wouldnt even give a toss. I feel like i have lost her as a friend and if i think she is lost. she is not emily anymore. she has completely fucked me up. i hope she is pleased with what she has done.

-my second problem is the fact that George wont talk to me. in the tent at his campout we did stuff.... "stuff" and now he is being really distant. i sound like a cow i know :/ im lucky to have him, but your boyfriend is meant to make you feel happy, right? but im not happy. im upset. im angry. im hurt. im beyond all that. im actually sinking into a wild cricle of happyness and depression. i feel like i have hit rock bottom and im too tired to lift myself up. i dont know what to do anymore. its like i have lost everyone and my life has no meaning. i was a mistake anyway. maybe i should keep that up and live my life as a massive mistake. no point anymore.